At the beginning of the year when I was on the path to self-publish my upcoming book, #GameOn, I was mapping out it’s release, and looking at my funnel, content, etc., as you would.

Although my grandmother’s health was already declining fast, she was nowhere near her final days yet. But when I looked at the calendar, I was drawn to April 22 as the big day. The day my book would be released.

Not even a minute later I realized it is also my recently-deceased dear grandmother’s birthday.

I remember smiling and KNOWING that 4/22 was right. It felt good, and it wasn’t just because of my grandmother’s birthday. That was a bonus.

Anyway, I set up my first 90+ days in 2019 like this and proceeded with my plans to self-publish. Only, I found myself procrastinating and falling into other self-sabotaging behaviors when I had this perfectly mapped out plan on the calendar chalked full of reminders, as you can imagine.

But the more I journaled on my message, my purpose, this book; the more questions about the way I was publishing seemed to come up. I was excited about my book, but I was starting to see that I really wasn’t excited about self-publishing it.

I had no problem self-publishing my children’s mindset book, and will probably continue self-publishing the books in that series, but for this book, for the message that wants to get out, self-publishing didn’t feel right.

I have always dreamed of writing a book that told my story and helps people change their lives. I’ve talked about it, started, stopped and journaled/diary-ed more times than I can remember.

I said I wanted to, sure. I really did. But I believed it would be a hard and long road there. Over the years, it became something that I told myself I knew I could I do whenever I had the perfect opportunity to sit down and write a book.

It was like when I refused to study for a test at school because I knew I’d get an A no matter what.

I never had enough time, experience or motivation to just down and write the damn thing, though. I became one of those people that’s so smart and capable and able but never finishes what they set out to do.

That’s how I felt at the time, anyway.

I had every excuse as to why it wasn’t the right time, and why writing a book just couldn’t be the priority in my life right now, so all of that became my reality. Literally.

But the truth was something much bigger that I had been overlooking. I kept reaching for the outcome, over and over to no avail. I tried to figure out every road to it, possible shortcuts and the obstacles I may face.

I looked at it so hard that I missed the most obvious explanation for why it wasn’t coming to fruition at my own hand.

Alignment.

Or, misalignment, I should say.

No matter how much I said it, wrote it down or posted it on social media for the world to see; I was never going to accomplish it, and if I did, it would have been a half-ass attempt and a failure because

(a) I already *knew* that I was going about it in a way that didn’t 100% agree with me and

(b) Ignoring (a) is never a good idea.

I know alignment has become another buzz word. I know it’s sexy and if you actually know what it means, it holds even more sex appeal. But I also know that a lot of people don’t fully understand what it means to be aligned or in alignment.

Or maybe you know what it means, but because it’s become such a buzz word I use reluctantly, I feel like explaining this anyway.

Just so we are clear, when I say alignment, I mean the thing you know you’re supposed to do because regardless of what anyone may say or think or do, that’s what you want. That’s what feels right to you. That’s where you feel pulled to go.

The thing you want but when you think about having, all you hear is a million reasons why you can’t have it and have it NOW.

The thing you avoid doing because some other flashy thing comes along and distracts you. Or tells you that there is another way you should go to avoid the pain and disappointment of not being able to reach thing A, which is what you really want.

Most of the time, that place, alignment, is scary AF at first.

Most of the time, it means pissing people off. Cutting people out. Facing all the skeletons you’ve got. Calling yourself out over and over again. Doing the uncomfortable work. Healing the old wounds. Tuning in daily.

Really, just truly making an effort to elevate your consciousness in every way to live life on purpose instead of on auto-pilot running off of decisions you made during not-so-good eras of your life.

Alignment isn’t hard.

We make it hard when we choose to believe that we can’t have what we say we want for a million reasons only we are telling ourselves.

We make it harder than it has to be because we don’t feel we are safe, supported and worthy having it.

And for most people, thinking of all that, feeling all that and certainly, working on ALL THAT, is just too much work.

It’s more comfortable to stay here with my problems. I’ll just stay here for another five or ten years, holding onto baggage from when I was a child.

Baggage from trauma and/or relationships. Baggage from my mom or dad. Baggage from every decision I made God only knows how long ago that I regret today.

It’s safer to stay where at least you know what to expect. You find comfort in being the victim.

It’s easier to blame someone or something else so you don’t have to take full responsibility for the fact that you’ve allowed yourself to run away from your dreams instead of towards them.

You keep spinning your wheels at life wondering why it’s not working for you. Why it hurts so much even though you feel like you’ve tried everything to be happy.

I’ve lived through all of this, and so much that I haven’t shared with the world. Yet. That’s why I say it with much respect and tough love. I use my upcoming book as a metaphor for alignment with everything in your life you’re running away from instead of towards.

My book is the metaphor for all the things you are doing to stay mis-aligned instead of facing alignment head-first. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway, as they say.

All the reasons, excuses and years of procrastination brought me to the point in my life when I started calling myself out on my own bullshit, and I just couldn’t ignore what I was thinking, feeling or DOING anymore.

Have you ever felt so tired of your own bullshit that even though you know it would be easy to keep livin’ in, you finally see the light (aka alignment hits you like a piano falling from the 10th floor)

I could have pumped out a book, hit self-publish and done.

Just to keep my word to the world.
Just to “feel” like I completed something.
Just to not look like a liar.
Just to keel up the act that it was the right path.

But it wasn’t.

And I didn’t want to see it because I didn’t want to believe that what I really wanted was possible for me.

I chose VISIBlE for my word in 2019, and that came with the decision to publish my book.

I mapped it out, got excited about the content and promotional journey, and now I was in this place of total uncomfortable uncertainty about it.

I put so much pressure on myself to get shit done, but something didn’t feel right.

In one of my last attempts to figure out how to release this incredible book inside me in a way that felt authentic and congruent, I joined a great self-publishing program created by a 3X Best Selling Author.

That program helped me organize my book tremendously, among other things. And ultimately, that program was what helped me see that my problem was mis-alignment.

The closer I got to self-publishing, the more I realized that it wasn’t what I wanted for my NEXT book.

I was honest with myself and acknowledged that I didn’t want to accept that my preference, my soul’s desire, was and always has been to be a published author.

Have you ever wanted something so bad but spent years telling yourself you can’t have it and settling for what you believe you can have? Yeah, me too.

But something inside me is called to release this metamorphic message to the world, and my old soul wants a traditional publisher who will treat me like the author I am, and do all of the other amazingly detailed and results-driven things book publishers do.

And after years of telling myself that it’s wrong to want what I want, I said fuck it when the piano hit me over the head.

Why couldn’t I just admit this to myself earlier?

Saying it now didn’t feel like a surprise. I already knew this. So why didn’t I just embrace my true desire to be a published author? That’s what always felt aligned to me.

Because I was scared out of my mind and drowning in very old and deep limiting beliefs.

I had wanted this for so long and stopped myself from having it so long, that sabotaging myself to ensure I didn’t get it, had become my perpetual broken record.

Does any of this sound familiar? I hope I’m painting it in a way that lets you fill in the blanks with your own situation because we have all been there.

Whenever I thought about “how nice it would be to get published,” I thought, spoke and existed as if it was something that could never happen to someone like me.

I said I wanted it to happen. I took some action here and there to get it. But deep inside what felt “aligned” to me, being a published author, was too good to believe possible for me.

Needless to say, and the very purpose of this blog, is to remind you that Alignment isn’t always fun at first, but when that happens, we should lean in even more, instead of allowing ourselves  to run away because in that VERY discomfort, there is a lesson to be learned, a growth to be had, an AHA moment waiting to unveil.

But if you want the change and want what’s on the other side, you’ll embrace that change, and remember that it will always equal some resistance, and that’s okay.

I may not be published yet, but still, this path feels 100 times better than the one I was on to self-publish. It may have taken me a while, but when I got it, I did something about it.

And all that matters is that I finally saw it for what it was and honored myself above everything else because I was the only thing really stopping myself from having what I really wanted.

There will come a point when you will finally realize that the thing you’ve been wanting for so long, you don’t have because of you and only you, and it is a shitty feeling.

Then you realize that there is an ocean of baggage between you and that thing, and you are the only one who can make the swim to have it.

In my case:  I was on fire about 2019, closer than ever to releasing that book. I even set a super meaningful book release day, your now-deceased grandmother’s birthday …..only to realize I was doing it all wrong.

We get so deep in misalignment that we set ourselves up for FAILURE.

Has that ever happened to you?

You say you want something. But you see a path that looks easier, more “realistic,” brings you faster money, quick companionship, more agreeable to your circle, within range if your comfort zone, etc. – so you DERAIL yourself thinking it’s a short cut.

You avoid alignment like the PLAGUE because everything in you is saying “what you want you really can’t have! Go this other way instead and settle for this.”

“Go that way instead, you miserable fool. Keep going that way and this way, and just forget about what you want altogether okay?”

“Because you’re probably never going to have it so why even think about it, talk about it, say it out loud or dare yourself to even dream about it.”

You do that over and over and over until you throw your hands up at the sky and ask God why.

Why all your hard work feels like it was for nothing.

Why you still feel empty and unfulfilled

Why it always feels like the more you try, the harder things go

Why were you treated like that in your relationship

Why is your money situation a not-fun roller coaster

Why you can’t just do what you really want to do with your life instead of….THIS.

You keep feeling like you’ve been doing it all wrong, but really, MAYBE your time is NOW.

But then –

You realize that maybe –

Maybe you were doing it all right because you had to go through THAT to reach the point where alignment was finally non-negotiable

To learn something about yourself and the power of your choices

To decide not to settle for your dreams anymore

To remove whatever and whomever necessary that doesn’t support it

To risk looking like a liar, fraud or whatever people may or may not say because now plans changed and DEATH before misalignment

To finally call yourself out on all your bullshit, on repeat, and grow by leaps continually

To finally love yourself enough to RAISE your standards when things feel uncertain, instead of lowering them in an attempt to be just enough to deserve the outcome you want

To finally burn your reasons and excuses because what’s in the other side?

Is the purpose.
YOUR purpose.

And whether you choose to see and/or acknowledge it, you do have a purpose.

The recent passing of my grandmother has opened up a new level of introspection, awareness and internal wanderings for me. She was the perfect example of someone who made mistakes but tried to always follow her heart and do what felt right to her.

Like many of us, she grew up thinking and feeling not good enough. Like many of us, she did the misaligned thing many times, only to end back up doing what she always wanted to do anyway – regardless of who liked it or not – because she couldn’t NOT do it.

She tried to follow the rules. She tried to be the good girl her father wanted her to be. She tried to make her loved ones proud. But even in her final days, someone always had something to say and their own opinion of her story, her life; which, even THEN, didn’t faze my grandmother one bit!

You don’t have to listen to that voice in your head that says the short cut is what you deserve when you know you want the damn scenic route. Side note: Where do I come up with this stuff? I amaze myself!

Listen, I am living proof with this and a million other personal stories, that alignment IS the first step towards true CHANGE, wholeness, happiness and fulfillment.

If you can’t be clear and honest with YOURSELF about what you REALLY want, how do you expect to ever get it?

How do you expect to see and know the ALIGNED things you should do and the MISALIGNED things you shouldn’t, to get IT?

If you can’t be real with yourself about what you need to heal to get there, you’ll always end up in situations where healing is necessary. And that’s never a clean mirror to look at.

Stop doing shit you hate.

Trust your gut.
Listen to your intuition.

Do more of what makes you feel alive, makes you smile, makes your heart race, makes you remember what it feels like to be YOU.

Whatever you do, stay true to you.

Stay true to your dreams, goals and aspirations.

Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, tell you that you can’t achieve something big, exciting and new.

Stay aligned with your true SELF. Always.

Ask yourself in ANY situation:

“Is this aligned with my purpose/goal/dream/etc?”

You will always know the answer.
You can always hear it if you listen.

You know the way to your dreams. Follow alignement, follow your soul

Remember: If it doesn’t flow, let it go.

-V

PS: Did you hear? My Breakthrough Sessions are BACK and the April promo is FIYYYAAAAA!

Are you ready to identify and release all of the thoughts, beliefs and emotions that have been keeping you from being who you want to be and living the life you want to live? A Breakthrough Session can help catapult you in that direction!

My 1/2 day Breakthrough Session is up to 4 hours (with breaks) and is a supercharged one-one-one experience that helps you quickly achieve lasting change, transformation, and personal and professional growth.

My Breakthrough Sessions are designed to help you with:

a) Releasing negative thoughts, emotions, and habits

b) Increasing self-confidence, motivation, efficiency, decisions making

c) Improving self-discipline, time management, health, wellness, and concentration

d) Letting go of phobias, impulses, and other limiting behaviors

e) Improving overall performance personally and professionally

f) Rewiring yourself lasting change

During our time together, we address anything and everything that may be stopping you from personal and professional success.

No subject is taboo because it is all connected, and the purpose of the session is to help you break away from whatever is stopping you from growing.

We do the Breakthrough Session over a 4-hour period with plenty of notes, exercises, and of course, breaks. You walk away from this experience a new person, with new SMART Goals, and an action plan to stay on track.

Then, 30 days later, we meet for a 60-minute tune-up call to make sure you’ve stayed on track. We work through anything new that may have come up, and leverage our time together to give you another loving push in the direction you want to go.

A Breakthrough Session is the ticket to working on the areas of yourself that will allow you to live a more happy, fulfilling and successful life.

You’ve tried to do it on your own. Now, allow yourself to get the support and guidance you deserve.

APRIL PROMO:

In honor of my grandmother’s birthday on April 22, my Breakthrough Sessions are even more accessible at 50% for the entire month of April for the first few people.

Spots are very limited as this is private one-on-one work, and very high-touch!

But don’t worry, we will be doing it all virtually, so no one will be actually touched in the making of your breakthrough! 🙂

To reserve your Breakthrough Session, click below to pay, and reserve your spot directly through my calendar. 

Once you book your session, you will receive a questionnaire via e-mail that you must complete at least 48 hours prior to your Breakthrough Session. This help us leave no stone unturned when it comes to releasing and re-wiring you for more growth and success!

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