Earlier today, a familiar and sneaky little voice popped into my head and loudly asked WHY?
WHY isn’t all this enough for you?
WHY is it never enough?
WHY do you always have to push for more?
WHY are you always stirring the pot?
WHY do you unnecessarily challenge yourself?
WHY can’t you be satisfied and happy with normal?
WHY can’t all this JUST be enough?
My life isn’t perfect, but I am always looking to grow and improve, inside and out. I am grateful for everything and everyone in (and out) of my life. And, no matter how bad it gets, I center myself in that gratitude. I’ve trained myself to because gratitude is the highest frequency a person can carry, and without gratitude for the now, I know you can’t possibly be open to receive anything more you want in the future,.
I’ve accomplished a lot much in my life. I have been blessed with two beautiful, healthy boys, health, traveling the world, multiple successful businesses, owning properties, and driving my dream car – to name a few. Most people would say I am successful and have it “all.”
So, why do I always want more?
Why do so many men and women, like me, end up with the realization that the life they’re living isn’t enough, and that they’ll always want more? And more importantly, why do we feel so bad for wanting it?
Of all 70,000 thoughts a person averages in a day, I think in that moment, 35,000 zoomed through my mind, trying to convince me that this life, as it is, SHOULD be enough. Hello, limiting beliefs, bullshit fears and doubt. *rolls eyes*
And while most of those thoughts made sense, and in some way swayed me momentarily, I realized something that I’ve realized many times before throughout my life:
I’m not looking for perfect. I am not chasing any image, idea, or concept of it in any way.
That’s not what my hunger is about. That’s not what fuels my fire. That’s not my purpose, passion or mission. That’s not what my soul is seeking.
Perfect is not where I FLOW. And that’s not what having, doing and being MORE means to me in my core.
Trying to be perfect implies that there is a benchmark to which I can and should be measured to. Attempting to attain the label of “perfect” means there is a standard, a set of rules, and/or a set of expectations somewhere, somehow that I must be compared to in order to see if I am “good enough” for whatever.
And that’s just now how I play anymore. I know now that there can never be any comparison because God made only one me. I know now that there can never be a benchmark or set of rules that can confine me because I wasn’t meant to fit into any damn box.
Were you? I didn’t think so. And that’s why you’re reading this.
We didn’t come here to do perfect. We came here to do US. And like many, somewhere along the way, we lost our way and forgot how to do that. We forgot that we are enough just as we are, and that perfect is in the eye of the beholder. We forgot that we are responsible for our own damn happiness, not everything and everyone OUTSIDE of ourselves.
But we don’t always want more because we are never satisfied, never happy, and nothing will ever be “enough.” We don’t want more because we fundamentally believe money solves everything.
We want more because we know there is more inside of us, as well as available TO us that we have not yet allowed ourselves access to, on the outside.
And people like us cannot be okay with half-assing our lives, businesses, anything – even though, thanks to fear, limiting beliefs and self-sabotage, we’ve probably felt the Queen/King of half-assing a number of times and at various stages of our lives –
but, no matter that, we always end up back at the realization that this is who we are and how we are.
And what some may consider a normal, quiet, cookie-cutter, happy life, will never be enough for people like us.
We will always wonder how the weather is in another part of the world, and find ourselves flying there in our thoughts. We will always seek deeper connections with people. We will always search to find the deeper meaning of everything in life, business, love, and of course, our SELF.
We will always look around and know in our soul that we deserve better, and that we are the only ones who can make it happen. We will always look inside, and see and know that our fire can’t be tamed, and that we shouldn’t be trying so dam hard to.
We will always feel the punch in the face of our heightened internal transparency and self-awareness, and the weight of the personal responsibility we know we must take over our lives in order to answer the thing we were called to do!
Beyond the self-sabotage, ups and downs, you know that you were made for more, too, don’t you?
Why have you spent so long telling yourself that you shouldn’t have it? Why do you keep allowing the whispers to remind you that you do not deserve to have exactly what you want? Why do you, day in and day out, tell yourself NO, and do everything possible to keep yourself locked in a box that is simply too small for you?
When did you convince yourself that it was not ok to want, have, do and BE more?
When did you decide that it was okay to spend another minute, day, or decade, playing small, and shrinking yourself to be liked, fit in, or be “perfect?”
Most of us have chased perfectionism enough to know that no one ever catches it. It is perpetually elusive and unreachable. It’s a lie we tell ourselves to cover up what we already know must be done in the unknown and outside the comfort zone.
And although I have doubted myself many times, and have fallen into the pit of perfectionism, among other pits, I know that doing, having and BEing more isn’t about some self-destructive and futile quest to be perfect. And you know it too, don’t you?
It isn’t about proving anything to anyone. It isn’t about having the acceptance, approval and love of others.
It isn’t about being rich, famous or looking like an instagram model. Even though, yes, being more often comes with the bonus of having more.
But it’s really about being able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I am who I AM –
To wake up every morning, knowing that I am being 100% true to myself. That I am believing in myself. That I trust myself. That I am backing myself no matter what.
That I am showing up for me, so that I can better show up for my kids, my vision, my purpose.
To live in the house I really want to live in, drive the car I really want to drive, buy what I want to buy, and not have to tell myself that I cannot have those things because wanting them is bad or takes away, in any form, from my God-given purpose and path. Or from the heart of gold God placed inside me to serve.
To know that I am demanding the very best of me because that is who I am and I can’t NOT.
To make sure the person on the outside matches the bad bitch on the inside – in all ways, in all areas, and all parts of ME.
It’s about reminding myself every damn day that I am more, and that as long as there is a fire burning within me to BE more, it is my responsibility to fuel it because holding myself back doesn’t serve anything or anyone.
Holding yourself back from who you truly are, who you want to be and what you want to do in this life is the ultimate act of self-sabotage. Been there, done that
Life is too precious to spend one more moment, living a life you don’t want to live. Time is too precious to keep being someone you are NOT –
Saying yes when you want to say no, and vice versa. Gagging your very soul, silencing it from trying to lead you back home to your truest and highest SELF.
Can’t you see? You’re doing yourself more harm than good every time you hold back, filter yourself, dumb yourself down, try to fit in?!
You are WRONG.
You can have everything you want, and it does’t have to be hard, or take forever, and you can have it right now, if and when you decide to believe that it is all possible for you – why the hell not?!
Go back home. Back to YOU. The real you. The full, complete, and whole you.
The you that feels good inside and out. The you that doesn’t easily forget her worth or standards. The you that remembers that it’s ok to be present, grateful, humble and still want MORE because that’s who you are and you have it in you and you can’t NOT.
The you that gives herself permission to walk away from anything and anyone who isn’t aligned with you.
The you that is unapologetically aligned with HERSELF every day, whether she feels like it or not.
The you that dent wait for motivation to shower you with glitter and shit, but instead leans on discipline to override the bullshit that may come your way to derail you.
The you that owns, no matter what the world may say, that you were born for an extraordinary life, and it isn’t about being perfect or fitting in, it’s about loving the person in the mirror so much that you can’t accept anything LESS.
It is about being true to who you are and what you came here to do. And knowing with absolute certainty, that God did not put that fire inside of you for nothing. You weren’t given a dream THAT big, just so you can spend your entire life wishing it were possible for you!
This life will never be enough for you as long as you keep being a fraction of who you were born to be.
Nothing will ever feel right or enough or complete as long as you keep the most important parts of you silenced and hidden from the world.
You hunger and ache for more I every part of your existence because every fiber in your body knows you were made for it.
How much longer will you keep denying yourself the right to BE who you’ve always been?