Some times I look back at my life, jobs and businesses and see a trail of unnecessary blood droplets, following me like some twisted version of breadcrumbs that only and always lead back to me.
I know that’s a bit dramatic, but that’s the way it came out because really, it is the blood, sweat, tears, worry, struggle and suffering I never had to go through. I knew it then, and I can see it more clearly than ever now.
Yesterday, I was dragged into doing something I didn’t want to do. It wasn’t anything out of this world or against my values or morals, but it was definitely not aligned for me, and I was put in a position where I felt I had to do it to help the person out.
I could have easily said no, and asked to do it later or another day, but I went with it as if I had no other choice. Misaligned and all, I said yes on auto pilot.
For a moment, I was bummed because all my plans for the next few hours had gone to shit, including my almost perfect and flowy bedtime routine with my two boys. I felt annoyed and a little angry that I couldn’t spend my time how I wanted.
After all, that is my mission in life and what I try my best to practice daily: seeking to do nothing but what feels aligned and soul led in all areas of my life and with all parts of my SELF.
So, after that moment when I was annoyed, came a wave of calmness, I kid you not. I was a bit annoyed at myself that I had gotten over it so fast. I guess I was mad at myself and wanted to stay in that anger for a little bit, but I couldn’t, and so I moved on.
I was suddenly reminded that that trail of blood, and all the misaligned things I had done in my life, relationships and money, led me to where I am today.
Forced me to keep searching, questioning, growing and expanding.
And even though I felt total gratitude for what I was being shown and where my awareness was at that moment, thus the calmness (in spite of my sons wrestling in the back of the car, yelling and driving me nuts), I knew it was completely misaligned, and I know I could have chosen differently.
I knew that the uneasiness I was feeling inside me was because I had gone against myself.
As I tuned out my kids and went to that place where I am def not in auto-pilot, I started to think about what it really costs us humans to, for whatever unlimited number of reasons there may be in our minds, consistently choose what’s misaligned for us instead of what we really want.
Why do we automatically say yes to almost anything and everything EXCEPT what is right, true and aligned for us?
And in case there is any confusion about what I mean about misalignment:
Misalignment is when you go for the logical, responsible, expected by others, normal, reasonable, right, easy, fast, etc thing –
INSTEAD of believing in, loving and trusting yourself enough to choose what feels right for you.
Alignment may not always feel “good,” no, because if what is aligned pushes you to break through the imaginary lines of your comfort zones (as it normally does and should!), of course you will have some resistance.
Change always equals resistance.
Even when we know, agree and understand such change is necessary. This is a human experience, remember?
If you followed your soul blindly and mastered it, you’d feel less and less resistance in doing what you are led to do instead of for a million excuses and stories you tell yourself to take the fork in the road you have no business taking.
But because most of us are taught to give away our authority, question ourselves and endlessly search for answers from some place or someone OUTSIDE of us, we battle with ourselves.
We ignore our truth.
We pay small.
We will believe almost anyone and anything other than the voice leading us from within.
We do whatever is necessary to find ways to convince ourselves that our dreams are a big fat NO, and any other random temporary and misaligned thing is a YES without thinking.
I am not saying to go back and hammer yourself over the head for past mistakes, but speaking in present-tense: what is your misalignment costing you TODAY?
All the time you spend in a job you hate could be better spent pursuing your passion.
The energy you spent trying to make a business that you are not passionate about work, is energy you could have spent living your purpose.
The futile years you spent trying to make a relationship work when you already knew deep inside that it would never work; is time you could have spent working on and loving yourself to ensure you don’t end up in those kinds of relationships again, and actually prepare yourself for the relationship that’s meant to be.
The pain and tears you devoted to hating yourself could have been sweat and fat lost at the gym or park if you had only listed to yourself.
Sure, we all look back and wish we could have done some things differently.
Even in gratitude, we feel that way because inside we know we had it in us to do and be better all along.
We just couldn’t see it, and even when we caught glimpses of it, we didn’t want to believe, follow or trust it.
Yes, we have all wasted time, money, love, tears, etc in the pursuit of all things misaligned –
But can’t you see?
It’s about so much more than mere time or even energy which is endlessly moldable and accessible, it’s about the little pieces you chip from your soul.
The bits of who you really are that you keep gagging and torturing.
Then the trail of regrets, mistakes, and tears you leave behind that become other fucked up limiting beliefs, negative self-talk and creative ways to continue misaligned.
Every time you go against what you know to be right and true for YOU – forget if it’s new, scary, daring, naughty – you sink yourself deeper into an existence that’s not yours.
You walk farther away from remembering what and who you really are, and what God put you here to do.
Each time you say yes to something you know isn’t aligned with your true dreams, desires, standards, you plant yet another seed inside yourself that says:
“You see? I told you it wasn’t possible. I told you it was too hard or too scary. I told you you couldn’t really pull it off. I told you that doing this other shiny thing that seems right, normal and responsible, that seems easier, doesn’t it?”
And you listen every time.
You follow every time.
And every single time, that misalignment becomes a part of you.
It becomes a part of your programming, part of your habits, part of your thought habits, part of your words, part of behavior, and a part of ALLLLLLL your damn results.
It’s a vicious cycle of misalignment, misdirection and unnecessary confusion. But we do it to ourselves.
And then it becomes harder to break, fix, heal. It becomes harder to notice what’s real and what’s not.
But we always know better.
And it is never too late. NEVER!
We always know what’s right and true for us even if it seems uncomfortable, and even if it’s new and scary.
We just KNOW.
So I ask you today with this message: what is your misalignment really costing you?
We all have to pay the price of misalignment at one point or another, yes, it is part of the journey.
But you do get to choose.
Your story doesn’t have to be like mine, your mother’s or father’s.
You don’t HAVE to spend years in misalignment only to realize when you’re 50 that you knew what you wanted all along and didn’t do shit about it because you were too scared about what people would think or say, or if it would hurt to fall and have to get bak up again.
You can change the game, change the rules.
You can blindly, completely and wholeheartedly do what you want.
YES, RIGHT NOW!
The price you pay for getting temporarily uncomfortable in the pursuit of what is aligned FOR YOU is like a grain of salt compared to what you do to yourself every time you say yes when you know it should be no.
And whatever reason you think you have for continuing to pay the high and ridiculous prices of misalignment, I can promise you that there is another way.
The way back to you, your soul, essence and purpose.
You just have to choose.
Are you gonna do it your way, finally, or keep telling yourself that someone else’s way is better?
It’s your move, baby. Make it count.
Life’s a game. Break all the rules.
xx – V
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