About a year ago, something clicked inside me. I snapped.
I was going through God only knows what because I cannot remember now, but I know it was one of many roller coaster moments in my life.
I was pushing myself to continually tune in, and ask what lesson I needed to learn, and how it was going to work out for my good; then it just came to me that all of this is nothing but a game.
I heard it inside of me and chuckled. I brushed it off.
It swept through my entire body, giving me goosebumps.
It was like accessing a different level of personal responsibility on another dimension, co-creation and consciousness altogether.
A different reality. Instantly.
I could clearly see through the matrix coding, and everything made sense. How much power and control I actually had, and how much I didn’t.
I could see it all so clearly – how everything was connected, and every thing, person, event and situation has a higher purpose.
I felt my heart start to race and felt a little shot of adrenaline tingle through me as if I was about to begin a competition.
It was like I was getting ready for a race.
I had been given a new set of eyes, an instant download and new perception from God directly.
Suddenly, some of the things that looked so scary before, were just obstacle courses now.
Life altering. Game changing. Massively impactful. Intimidating. Scary. Bloodthirsty.
But mere challenges nonetheless.
Challenges meant to do one thing and one thing only –
help me remember who I am.
Make me better, stronger, faster, wiser.
Open my eyes.
Wake me the fuck up.
Through those challenges, I remember who I’ve always been.
Through those obstacles, I am reminded of my strength: mind-body-soul
Through the tests and trials, I search my soul perpetually to connect back to alignment and my higher purpose
Now everything was different.
This new reality came with new weapons against old demons.
And no matter how unwanted, unnecessary it seemed, or how hard and scary it looked at first glance, I already KNEW, that it was powerless against me.
I already knew it was a game.
And I knew I could and would win.
If I did one thing: break all the rules
And commit to loving and living every moment of my life, day-by-day, feeding my soul by making up and abiding by my own damn rules and breaking theirs –
the rules running through my veins from childhood; the rules about a hard, painful life that I picked up along the way since I left home at 15; the ones I learned about men and love, femininity and masculinity; the rules I thought I had to play by my whole life to look and feel a certain way about myself.
The rules I once believed I had to follow to be successful and wealthy; the ones I told myself my whole life about the futile steps I had to take to finally be good enough and worthy of what I yearn for.
Everything I had ever been taught, told, or made up for myself as a defense mechanism against the world. Everything I thought I knew about God, the universe and the meaning of our existence.
The steps I thought I had to take to finally just be who I’ve always fuckin’ been.
I didn’t actually know just how I was going to break some of those heavier rules, but I knew in my heart and soul, that they too, would have to be dismantled.
My new perception didn’t allow for anything less than the total downfall of the internal blueprint I had worshipped for 35 years.
I was no longer available, even for one more moment, to be a victim to anyone or any situation or event in my life.
And its not that I was under some mental break down sense of heightened super magical unicorn power, thinking I was invincible because yeah, I did wonder for a split second if I was losing my mind.
How could this possibly be sustainable, I thought? Everything mocertaipnly does not feel like a fucking game when you’re in the thick of life, asking yourself if you should go left or go right.
But then my soul quickly gagged the mind, and tunnel vision never looked so good.
I already knew. I already know.
It was a soul shift, baby.
No matter how fast or hard that roller coaster goes, or how dizzy, confused and lost my human self may feel when it tries to send me back into victimhood, FEAR and surrender to their rules; there is always me winning on the other fucking side.
Everything is always working out for me because I decide that it is.
Because no matter how bad it looks, I know I will rise from the fucking ashes better and better.
I may fall. I may stumble. I may hit my head against the same wall for longer than I’d like to admit at times, but I play by my own fucking rules.
All day. Every day.
I look inside.
I will continue to tune in.
My way. THE way.
From that point on, everything was #gameon
From the smallest battle in my mind, to shedding 70 lbs, to emotionally healing years of self hate, and self sabotaging behaviors –
If and when my awareness saw it for what it was, challenge accepted.
If I delayed, stalled, sabotaged some more in avoidance, hiding and the little computer chip parts of me trying to revive themselves?
It would sling right back around like one of those Chinese fighting stars thirsty for blood, even harder, faster and with more die-hard intention to remind me that it was still just a fucking game!
It’s not always a straight path, a smooth paved road, or a pleasant view –
To challenge the limits of my heart, body and soul forevermore –
Everyday. No stone left unturned. But that’s the way back to ME.
Never forget –
Life is a game. Break all the rules. – Vhttps://calendly.com/vanessarende