At the end of the day when you look back at all the shit you went through and realize it was all a choice, YOUR CHOICES, one of the most paralyzing things you endure is forgiving yourself.
There is no other feeling quite like the heart-sinking, stomach-dropping, and back-stabbing throb of realizing that you did all of it to yourself, and you can’t go back and change any of it.
Every time you said yes when you knew it should have been a no.
The times you knew you should have walked away but you stayed.
When you ate foods that gave you temporary comfort, but made you and your body look and feel bad.
And when you told yourself that it was the only way but you knew it wasn’t.
The times fear had you by the neck and deep down you knew it was at your own hand but chose it over faith.
Every time you settled even though you knew you deserved MORE.
Every time you ignored that guiding voice from within and it always right.
All the times you hid and shrunk for others, knowing it was an insult to your very soul.
Every time you let yourself go – spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
YOU have to pick up the pieces and deal with the aftermath of your choices, and as freeing as that is to step into that kind of brutal personal responsibility and get your power back, it can also be devastating and overwhelming.
And that’s the hardest part, really. Isn’t it?
Learning, navigating through and KNOWING how to guide that pain into healing, and then turn it into purpose.
Finding the healer in you, so you can help others and stop future generations from experiencing the same pains and hard lessons.
Hoping that you evolve into a better you and show your children a different way.
And figure out how to get from that regret, pain and stuck-ness to a place of real gratitude for those experiences because albeit uncomfortable AF, and at the time unwanted and unwelcome, you SEE and FEEL the lesson, and how it truly pushed you forward in some way.
But most of the time, you get paralyzed in dealing with the internal and external consequences of all those choices you wish you could undo.
And even though this is the billion-dollar era of personal development and self-help, you feel alone and lost and not sure where to even start on your off days.
I needed to write this to let you know: You are not alone.
Most of us get sucked into the repeated manifesting of our own self-fulfilling prophecies.
The more we break our own hearts, lie to ourselves, break promises and words to ourselves; the more we keep chasing that tail in circles, killing all the love and belief we have for and in ourselves.
Over and over, we do it to ourselves more than anyone or anything from the outside world.
If you really think about it:
Who has lied to you repeatedly?
Who has broken promise after promise to you?
Who has treated your body and health horribly?
Who has told you that you’re too fat of your body doesn’t look right?
Who has told you that you’re not pretty enough?
Who has told you that you are not cool enough?
Who has told you that you are unworthy/undeserving of love?
Who has taken you for granted over and over?
You have hurt yourself the most, and even if you don’t consciously realize it, your subconscious mind is always taking note – especially when it comes to repeated thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
And so you programmed yourself to expect failure, disappointments and a hard struggle towards success and happiness.
Even if you don’t see it in your everyday decisions today, the pain and hardships of those past “wrong” choices you regret still haunt you and still hold weight in all present and future decisions you make – unless you do something about it.
Because now, you have coded yourself to automatically “know” how some things are going to turn out, and you doubt, fear, obsess, with no belief in self or in much, and so they do. They happen just as you always expect, don’t they?
Somewhere along the way, you started to de-value yourself, over and over.
You started to believe less in your own words, promises, and decisions.
You saw your power and authority as useless and bound to continue being unreliable.
You felt hopeless and lost.
You stopped believing in YOU.
And you’ve proven yourself to be right.
So now it’s time you do possibly the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do, and take the biggest step forward you’ve ever taken to the next level you:
With all your heart and soul. Forgive yourself, even if you still can’t find the good in what has happened to you.
Don’t stop searching for the lesson, and for the pure feeling of gratitude that, yes, can come from even the worst experiences, events and decisions.
Forgive yourself and accept that you are and always have been enough –
Worthy and deserving of everything you desire – life, love, money, purpose, impact, everything!
You are not a failure. You are not a person who speaks empty words. You are not destined to suffer.
You are not bound to keep doing things you’ve always done, UNLESS you forgive yourself right now and find the grace and love within you for YOU, to move TF on from all of that.
You already are everything you want to be. You’re just waiting on yourself to believe it.
Face it, work through it, and heal in a way that looks like nothing less than gratitude for the experience in the end because that is truly the only way to have harmony of SELF.
When you can look at an experience and not feel deep pain, regret and sorrow but clearly see the reason, lesson and how it actually BENEFITED you in some way – even though it may have massively sucked – that’s how you know you’re healing.
That’s when you understand that everything happened as it was meant to in the perfect time because a lesson needed to be learned. You can internally connect the dots.
That’s how you know that you’re moving forward and not allowing yourself to get stuck in your own hamster wheel of self-fulfilling prophecies that don’t serve you whatsoever.
That are all MASSIVE lies about who you are, what you stand for how and how you show up in this life.
That’s how you take back your power, undo limiting beliefs and create an empowering life that eats negativity, obstacles and challenges for breakfast.
That’s how you forgive yourself, and truly move forward one giant step –
Living a life of love, passion, and purpose is about finding harmony within yourself.
Can’t you see? You were made to grow and shine!
Through it all, like a seed, you can always choose to rise above the dirt and claim what’s yours.
All of it.
But first you have to learn to live with the only person who truly threatens to take it all away from you – YOU.
First, you have to look at yourself in the mirror, and love what you see not because your nose, hair and lips are perfect, but because you no longer feel that shame, guilt, regret and pain from all the times you broke your own heart; because you no longer expect yourself to fail, struggle and hurt.
Because now you are the person who looks back with pride and knows what’s in store for the future.
You feel that excitement?
That’s real self-love.
And now there’s no stopping you.